laughable Insanity

2011-06-04T18:30:00.002+08:00

Hi people, I have abandoned this blog and moved to another.

http://aslaptoyourback.blogspot.com/

Trying to start afresh.

2011-05-02T23:55:00.001+08:00

I'm trying to start a new blog. But the verification system seems to be hindering my progress.
Screw this. Seriously.

obviously

2011-03-30T15:23:00.000+08:00

actually, when shit happens, who does it always involve? you.
for those on the opposition, do what you want. have your own say. i lost control of my anger and got bashed.

i'm not going to help anymore. bye bye.

random titles, doing the style. once more.

2011-03-17T19:12:00.000+08:00

It's been awhile. I don't even know why I'm back here. Anj was reading the old posts and I was somehow intrigued to find out how I was in the past. Something was tempting me. hmm.

Well I shouldn't have. I can't even think of anything to post up here.

but reading through parts of 2009 and 2010 really did crack myself a bit.

I really shouldn't have read them.

2011-03-03T16:34:00.000+08:00

And now I got myself into something I don't want to. I warned myself, I warned her. Now what.

I really hate this. Fuck.

growing up

2011-01-18T14:19:00.000+08:00

I think it all boils down to whether I am prepared for it, or not.

Being thrusted into being the sole breadwinner for the family. I don't think I'm ready for it, yet.
Its too fast. I don't want to say goodbye to my role model in life, this soon.
Not yet, I want you to see me grow up and reach adult-hood and rely on me as someone responsible.

Please wait for that to happen, pa.

Please, don't see the mistake. Please. please please. ahhh

2011-01-03T11:54:00.001+08:00

Dam. I so want to give a few whacks to a drumset.

Please Rain

2010-12-27T11:29:00.000+08:00

X'mas is over. It felt so long. It was a long weekend, honestly.

I got my first nerf! its an alpha trooper! not like I really care about the technical terms of the toy but, finally! I was actually waiting for a value buy. Initially, I wanted to get a Recon just like the others but after looking at its performance, I got turned off.

As for the other later models, not worth the buy too. $$ and performance. Till this little guy came and I was like, O.K! time to get one myself. And yep, I am very satisfied with my purchase.

On to X'mas shopping, one word to describe it. Great! Never shopped this much before getting things that I actually want. Got 2 pairs of spec frames for both gf and me. Sweet. Couple wear.

shoes, clothes and thats all. Happy with the day being spent.

Back to work.

Its X'mas!

2010-12-24T15:19:00.000+08:00

Let me just give a quick post before my girlfriend finds out that I've been skiving when I told her I was busy.

Its nearing X'mas and X'mas eve is today! How shall I put this. 2010 had been a year packed with many shit and good stuffs. I'll just briefly summarize, first quarter of the year was hell. Total black.

After June, things got a little brighter and as of now, I'm pretty content with my life.

Anyway, I'm still discontented with somethings. Perhaps it isn't wise to list it out for the public to see, considering I've learnt a very harsh lesson. I shall just be quiet and slowly fade away.

What is it that demands so much of my attention? I don't think I should. I have other things to worry about and focus on.

This isn't my passion, this isn't part of my circle. But it was where I got to know great people. Big or small. They have made an impact on my life. Still, I don't have the will to commit anymore.

Wait, since when have I from the beginning? I'm only capable of standing by the sidelines and watch. Maybe give a few kicks and pushes and verbal supports. That is all.

Either way, I'll just sit back, watch and do nothing.

On that black note, I wish everyone a Merry X'mas and a happy new year.

2010-10-22T17:55:00.000+08:00

Totally didnt had time to blog at all. It seems only possible when I'm really really bored with nothing to do. Anyway, the haze is back everyone. Reminds me of my primary school days. Just that, it's totally different this time. Driving with he skies so gloomy, it almost gave me the impression that I'm driving thru Racoon City of Resident Evil's fame.

I kind of like the gloomy atmosphere though. It gets gloomy enough when there're rain clouds.

And i got attacked by <3's cat. B was trying to carry it away from the back of my car and the cat somehow lost balanced the grabbed on to me, sinking it's left claws into my left shoulder. It REALLY went in. And I was trying to pull it away and couldnt, that was when I realized, the cat had grappled itself onto the flesh of my left shoulder.

Finally pulled it out and I sucked out some blood. Hopefully that'll rid some of the infection that would occur.

Ok I'm hungry.

eh can hurry up...the sun getting bigger leh...

2010-09-27T00:50:00.000+08:00

brushing off the dust from my blog, I realised blogging for me is a pretty much on and off thing.
I don't own an iphone (and I don't intend to get one since I kind of hate apple products now).

What I need is better time management for myself and hell, get rid of all ERP gantries if possible.
I think this world needs more love and much stricter discipline.
Self control is not possible for every individual but have a heart to think.
Don't be the cause of another's suffering just for your moment of pleasure. If you made a mistake, be sure to change.

Ok, enough "wise" crap. I need to sleep soon. long day ahead for me tomorrow.
argh.

<3 anj!

a side glace into the mirror

2010-09-20T10:57:00.002+08:00

am I disappointing those who had expectations?

it came true.

2010-09-15T05:47:00.000+08:00

Honestly, I don't feel the drive anymore. why.

you'll always be in our heart, pena. 9/9/10

ORD

2010-09-07T05:45:00.001+08:00

I wonder if i was truly happy during the course of my 2 year service. Much of it was filled with foolish misery brought upon by myself and too many mistakes were made.
Well...take it as a learning experience. Having power over civilians was not easy. You will have the urge to abuse it at every opportunity (which by RIGHT you don't need to). Some will disagree with you and think it would be perfectly normal and to identify yourself as an officer of the law.
I see that as the reason why they're not the ones with the blue uniforms. You need to see if the situation doesn't put you in an awkward situation. We don't just jump in and everything will go your way. Its not always like in the soap operas or shows.

That aside, ORD. One more duty shift. I was feeling half melancholic but now, i prefer to be napping on my comfy bed.

Its nearing the end of my night shift and i wish my girlfriend is sleeping soundly and comfortably. <3

Shit happens.

2010-09-01T10:27:00.001+08:00

The phone that kept me occupied, a tool for communication and since 2 months back, my mobile internet surfer.
At duty now. 7 more days! Freedom!

I'm missing you. Get well soon pls you silly <3

Know your limits, young man.

2010-08-19T01:40:00.001+08:00

You're still living in your teenage days. The kind society ignore, or laugh at how young you are. Don't taint the colour of the brotherhood. You're a disgrace for doing what you are attempting to do right now. I have my resources. Watch your step.

Rating to be advised.

2010-08-18T04:06:00.001+08:00

I have a very sexy and adorable girlfriend. Whee.
Currently on duty and i can't sleep. My throat is getting urgh.

I really need a normal day with proper sleeping time. Just once.

2010-08-14T06:19:00.001+08:00

Away from gigging life, apart from honing my drumming and all the shit that had caused the unhappiness in the ridiculously sensitive me, i really do hope to get a very normal day in which i'll get to spend with my family and <3 . I want sometime to ourselves, cultivate the bond and break the misunderstandings that ever took place.
I thought it was the ultimate setback, one which i would never recover. Turns out i was wrong. Thanks for sticking with me throughout my emotional crisis and listening to my shit almost everyday.

Your letter brought me smiles. I love you, sweet (:

Hor fun isn't fun at all

2010-08-10T05:16:00.001+08:00

How long have i left this space untouched? I guess i was either too busy or too lazy to do an update. When i had the spare time, it would most likely be spent with my sweet girl.

Quite a bit had happened these past few days and <3 was always there to calm me down. My personality is somehow changing and changing. Well i hope its for the better.

And neo's birthday barbecue was a success!

I don't know if you've been keeping tabs on my blog since i haven't been updating for so long. <3 you!

i need more posters on my wall

2010-08-04T04:18:00.000+08:00

its amazing isn't it. we just happen to have everything alike. down to preferences.
it is just a day away but like you mentioned, it doesn't really matter. <3

hell, one isn't enough. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

ok, imma go prepare for work now.

Really really need to

2010-07-30T20:37:00.001+08:00

Ok, i cannot tahan liao. Miss my girl D:

Neck of an owl, eyes of an eagle.

2010-07-30T03:43:00.001+08:00

Nope, i'm not looking back. Time to kickstart my engines. Moving forward, not backwards.

Take the day off if you're really sick ffs.

2010-07-29T09:25:00.001+08:00

This space has been neglected again. It has been long since i've really fallen sick. And it sucks. There were so many things i wanted to do but oh well.
<3's been showing me pretty much attention when i'm down. Don't worry about not being by my side! I'll be fine :D your comforting words and humour through the phone is enough to make me feel much much better while i'm physically weak. Love you!

Ok like i've told a few, singapore is inhabited by really really selfish and self centered citizens. Being selfish is bad enough already, but to complain and whine over the smallest issues. Geez. I'm whining here so, LOL. want an example of singapore's ugly side? Take public transport. You'll see why.

A small nudge and off it goes.

2010-07-26T13:14:00.000+08:00

Whoever is going to talk to me, tread carefully. I'm getting easily annoyed till I don't know when.

Happy birthday mom!

2010-07-21T19:37:00.001+08:00

Happy birthday to my dearest mom. thanks for taking care of me all these years of me growing up. I love you and dad (:

It doesn't change anything, at all.

2010-07-19T08:31:00.001+08:00

I think the most important point I wanted to put across was, acceptance. Simple as it is.

Anyway, my temper hasn't been good these days. Don't ask me why. I can only be gentle and calm at duty but away from it, I lose my cool easily. Before, I thought it was suppose to be the other way round. Now, vice versa. Pretty swell and stupid at the same time.

Well, not like I really care much anyway.

Times spent with you were blissful. I love you (:

Sleep tight <3

2010-07-13T05:01:00.001+08:00

We can't please everyone. Thats how i'm going to leave it. As it is. This is us, this is me. Stop pushing your own assumptions on to others. Stop trying to be a smart ass. If you are indeed smart, you wouldn't be where you are now. I am not particularly upset over the incident but neither am I going to stand by and be a mute. If you are reading this, stop it. You have my thanks before I start flaring up.

more songs to practice again...

2010-07-12T01:39:00.000+08:00

annoying piece of shit.

played nerf at sbm today, woo. good game, but i got fragged easily ~.~ owell. baby came over to accompany though. heh thanks!

alright, i guess i should be sleeping early these days. late nights had been affecting my health.

nights everyone!

APPLES

2010-07-08T02:44:00.001+08:00

You brighten my days (:

How many more days to go?

2010-07-06T17:18:00.001+08:00

I hate found a new challenge in life. That is, to tahan smart alecks making others work life miserable. Not that it is much of my problem since i'm the one relaxing here. Anyway, pineapple came over to the temple yesterday and stayed awhile for the jamming. Thanks for taking the time to come all the way here! Ok, back to work.

When your fridays never came

2010-07-04T21:30:00.000+08:00

I am tired but i couldn't care less. It was enjoyable. My life. Weekends were the days i look forward to.before. Now, i look forward to days of peace.

Shine Mascot Parade 2010

2010-07-04T14:33:00.000+08:00

OK so the bottom snare skin broke and I was blamed for it. What? For hitting on it too loud? Ridiculous! Drums are suppose to withstand the whacks and strokes of a drummer!
Only when you REALLY intend to break the snare and use a full swing of your sticks, THEN the snare will break. Still, I was blamed for it. Bad timing. Well, forget it.

Because of the delay in getting a replacement for the snare, our song list was cut down to only 2 songs after the 1st song. Bummer. BUT, I would say the whole event was a success. Besides, screw ups are meant to happen from time to time. I enjoyed the process of going up there, doing my best and going back down the stage, taking photos and supporting the other bands performing. We all did a great job!

More to come, I need to rest. seriously. haha
and...thank you for coming! (:

boiling...boiling...exploded

2010-07-02T00:00:00.002+08:00

Hectic days. Hope saturday turns out well!

It was nice, to have someone I can talk to.
Hope it lasts.

Weekdays...

2010-06-29T12:23:00.003+08:00

I figured since i'm free, i might as well do up a lil bit of an update. Mobile surfing had never been this convenient. It is going to a long day.

Pui

2010-06-29T03:00:00.000+08:00

I crave for century eggs. I crave for mee goreng. I crave for kok kee wan ton mee. I crave for pocky. I crave for many foods.

this is so ghey. I crave for so many ghey stuffs.

Sleepless nights again. Yawn. Munching on cabbages.

An offer of a piece of tissue can mean a lot to me.

2010-06-27T08:29:00.000+08:00

Saturday's gig was by far, my best performance yet. I had so much fun drumming out all the stress and depressions I had in me that I sweated till I looked as thought I just came out of shower.

Still, I give it a wait and see attitude. Grandma's birthday celeb later. I was thinking of going for a jog but seeing the weather, lol.

July 3rd! @ SCAPE!

weekday veg!

2010-06-23T09:01:00.002+08:00

Back from Camp LIONS, got to know alot of great people. Shagged but the effort paid off. Thanks everyone for the hardwork!

I just got home from work and mom was making coffee. Sweet, there is still half a kettle of hot water left so I'll go make myself a cereal drink and a bowl of instant noodles...before I take my nap.
duty officer for the night was effed up as usual. zzz

nemez guidaz

2010-06-16T02:23:00.002+08:00

Dropping the tool hammer once my responsibilities are over. Decision made.

Souless collectors

2010-06-16T01:20:00.003+08:00

Have some balls to admit please. It takes two hands to clap. See? I'm not saying that I was entirely innocent. And there were many things you assumed.

StreetFestival '10

2010-06-15T11:16:00.000+08:00

StreetFest' 10 is over. 7 months of blood and sweat. It was an eye opener for, an exposure, to awaken myself that I still have lots to learn. Kudos to all the other performers! You all did well.

To my band, I had fun playing music with you guys. There will be more to come yeah?

Now, I feel I deserve some peace after all the stress and unfortunate events that took place for the past 7 months.

Laughable Insanity.

2010-06-10T05:03:00.001+08:00

I need drinking session, big time.

Ground zero.

2010-06-10T04:26:00.000+08:00

I'm sick, stressed and feeling pressured. gg.

friends that put a smile on your face for the past 3 years

2010-06-08T22:30:00.001+08:00

♥ flora ♥ ('.') says:
*LOL
*PEARIE
*HIHI
*(L)

pearson. says:
*YES FLORIE?
*FEELING BETTER?
*U NO REPLY

♥ flora ♥ ('.') says:
*HAHA
*SORRY
*WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO COME ONLINE
*I had telepathic signs
*That you would come online ;)
*Lol!

pearson. says:
*HAHA WHAT BULLSHIT
*LOL IM GOING TO BLOG THIS

yeah right flory LOL

the mirror doesn't tell my anything but it reflects.

2010-06-08T22:22:00.000+08:00

very blur now. i'm half alive and everyone around me seems to be getting sick.

flu, headache and sore throat. i can't even down a decent meal without feeling a lil sore in the throat...but at least i got food to eat so thats 10 times better.

work was a bore as usual. the cold weather only made me feel more sleepier...not that i'm complaining because at least i didn't have to sweat the whole afternoon.

still got a bunch of things to get this month. bummer.

back to practicing.

rainbow glasses

2010-06-08T03:00:00.000+08:00

人在哪里？

the positive side

2010-06-07T18:54:00.000+08:00

awkwardness.
feels like leaving after my jobs done.

Munchkings.

2010-06-07T16:14:00.000+08:00

continue to be deluded. The best I can do is laugh in the shadows.

Seems like everyone was tired after yesterday's games trial. I arrived late because even before the games trial began, I was already exhausted. Overslept. Its a bad habit.

Back to munching.

W/E you guys wanted to read or know, it is not here.

2010-06-06T04:09:00.002+08:00

it is on another side of my brain.

Smacking your face with 2 dollar bills

2010-06-03T23:50:00.001+08:00

well I hate liars. Simple.

did he die? -failblog

2010-06-02T19:32:00.002+08:00

so yesterday was the day I let go of all the stress I had in me and whatever remaining bullshit that lingered on and sang. I'm not much of a singer. I sing horribly. You wouldn't want to be there.

I wasn't feeling very well in the morning but after eating the meds given by the doc, felt much better.

Evening time, went to K Box. If there wasn't a promo rate, I wouldn't have gone. The company I had there...its been a long time since I ever had that sort of feeling.

Thanks people!

unscrew them, then screw them back

2010-05-31T02:42:00.000+08:00

you know what, fuck this shit. I can't be bothered anymore.

Holy Smites.

2010-05-30T15:40:00.000+08:00

I'm waiting.

Urgh. I'm deciding whether if I should burn all those things away.
But it'll be air pollution so...hmm.

ok time to go.

monday blues

2010-05-24T04:10:00.000+08:00

Took a day off on saturday, for the photoshoot. It was great, just that I wasn't photogenic for my part. haha!

Off to work in an hour or so. My bed summoned me but I decided to keep away from it, too many things on my mind.
That should be the least of my concerns. Plan plan plan.

Btw, I know some of you are telling me that my posts are very vague and you don't get it.
That was, my intention.

Plan plan plan.

late night conversations

2010-05-23T13:10:00.000+08:00

Overslept. Was supposed to be off in the morning for recee. Yawn.
I'm leave the house soon anyway. Yesterday's practice was cui. For my part.
I left the house with a very uneasy feeling, that I've left something behind.
It was only when I got onto the bus that I realised, I LEFT MY DRUM BAG BEHIND.
Oh well. Had to go to the studio and borrowed a pair of old drumsticks that my hands were totally unfamiliar with.
The weight, to be precise. Dynamics cui. End up feeling cui. ):

k I gotta go prepare now.
Sochii got me a shirt souvenir 8D
likes the shirt.

Need a new pair of sticks again~

2010-05-18T23:52:00.000+08:00

I had a beautiful dream while I took my nap in the afternoon.
It only strengthened my resolve.
I shall see this as an opportunity.

After I woke up, I was extremely disappointed. I was like, man. That was just a dream? Now, I wish I never woke up at all.

Almost lost track of myself for awhile there. Gotta get a grip.
Streetfest!

nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

2010-05-17T12:01:00.000+08:00

Davin's pawing moments. hahahaha.

anyway, fully packed for today. I won't be home most of the time.

Tooth picks in the eyes.

2010-05-15T07:05:00.001+08:00

must...stay awake...to..wake..you...up...

you know what, screw this

2010-05-14T10:40:00.002+08:00

I finally had a good rest. For once.
I still have many things to do. Loads of them. I may seem to be free all the time but, it is a big No.
Why do you have to be so young and naive.. I didn't lie to you. I was being lied to instead by a naive mind that doesn't understand the term love and used it freely.

retrying

2010-05-12T16:13:00.000+08:00

I slacked the previous night away with kevin at Pkway parade since we were practically bored and we could just head off to work the next morning. Talked a lot of bull and senseless stuffs.

Headed off to work then. I was half a wreck before I downed a can of red bull.
Beautiful day actually. Heading out soon!
haha and you enjoy your day at www! 8D

you made me smile again

2010-05-11T00:31:00.000+08:00

Had swimming, sauna and dinner session with Yihan just now. Feel better bro, always look forward. After that, had a very loooooooooooooooooong phone conversation. Its always nice chatting with you (:

O.K, time to finish up my bowl of curry chickens and potatoes.

StreetFest, I am ready for you.

We got in!

2010-05-09T17:54:00.000+08:00

First of all, grats guys. Luck got us in.

Secondly, performance at Vesak Orchard was awesome. Everyone did a great job.

And I am a fan of Black Forest. Honestly speaking, that was the first time I saw them perform. Now I know the reason why.

Been pretty uptight and busy these few days.
Hope to see you more often! (:

Ok, bye for now.

Ruki, Kai, Uruha, Aoi and Reita

2010-05-07T22:56:00.000+08:00

O.K so today turned out to be quite alright.
I am back on track. I've changed my wheels, mod-ed my engines, fixed the gears and zeng-ed my mind. The mind controls everything so I'll condition myself for the time being.

Life's like that. Bo bian.

Ich freue mich, dass versprochene Tag.

2010-05-07T13:22:00.000+08:00

私は、多くの人が日本語を私はその言語でブログが決定あるので理解するとは思わない。私はまだあなたを愛して。これは痛みが私の心を他の男とが、あなたを見て、あなたは幸せです、それは十分にする必要があります。
それが発生する場合はすべての私が今まで今したいことは私に話をする...簡単なハイテクを、どのようにやっている求めている...私は非常に幸せになる。私はあなたの安全と幸福を毎日のために祈ると私は、今後を見てほしい。

I laughed when I translate everything back to english. It is totally OFF.
Being stubborn is...annoying.
I want to see it, I want to see what is ahead, with you (:

Cassis

2010-05-07T03:25:00.001+08:00

never gets old 8D

I broke my bottle

2010-05-07T03:03:00.002+08:00

Sometimes, figurines come alive.
Our lyrics dancing around, Dreams come true.

The promised day (:

Inferior~

2010-05-06T22:23:00.000+08:00

I am on an insanity streak!
What else more can I ask for.

So today didn't turn out to be the day I expected to be but went window shopping with Kevin for awhile. Went home after that. Had imouto to give me a wake up call at 4 but end up I overslept till 5+.

Its become a norm now. I am growing numb.
Embracing the feeling, while I can.
Cheers all!

Brushing my teeth as I move along

2010-05-02T11:03:00.001+08:00

Leaving the house soon.

its movie time!

you were the one who taught me how to smile <3

A closure to this, a closure to everything.

2010-05-02T08:34:00.000+08:00

the monochrome scenery in the dead of night

the richly colored extension that I asked for

the more they’re spread out, the more colors are added like a peacock’s feathers

dazzling blinding the magic of light toward the endless spiral (to be continued...)

It is time I moved on.

Teri said something that struck me to the very core. Change for my own self.
The future is unpredictable no matter how we tell ourselves that it is expected or it won't be happening.

For now, I look forward to every day after. There will always be a better tomorrow, no point in crying over spilt milk and regret only at the point of destruction. What is most important, is now.

For this end of the post, I conclude the closure of the 20 years of my life, 20 years of existence on this realm, all the happiness, all the good memories and the unhappiness which would be an experience and lesson for me.

Goodbye Pearson and hello to Xeno.

the small light of hope.

2010-05-01T13:22:00.002+08:00

Dang I overslept. Gotta move.

No time for regrets

2010-05-01T04:44:00.003+08:00

It is time to do a change.
What else more can I ask for.

Before loving another, one must first love yourself.

Dam i suck.
its 4.42am and I'm still awake. And I need to be out of the house by 11.30am.
this has been going on for about a week...its a miracle I haven't fall sick yet.

Gotta pull through.

Palms out-stretched

2010-04-30T03:12:00.001+08:00

I won't consider the past few days to be norm. Or even for the past 2 months as well. Much happenings and much shit has gone past me. This time, this time. It is either me, myself or none at all.

Quotes from people all around me, I used to ignore them and view them as merely a bunch of words stringed together. However, those quotes may fit certain events that took place for both 2009 and this year, 2010.

For me to know, no one else to know. I need to sit down and relax, think. What have I missed out. What did I do. I need a boost. I cannot stop here. I must go on. But what drives me?

I'm still searching, for that fill. For now, I rest my case. This is not the end, yet.

We have ten fingers and two hands. A mind to control everything.
We have 24 hours a day only. We can't have 25 hours or more for a day.

But,
we have all the time till our place in this realm expires.

Do we have enough time to accomplish what we've set out to do? Maybe not.
Do we have time to accomplish what we've set out to do with our best efforts? Of course.

Yet to see but knowing you to be in the arms of another man, knowing that you're being comforted by another man. Knowing that you are loving another and being loved. As long as you are happy, I am fine with it. My emotions, I will contain it. May you be blessed and last long with him. <3

My heart is still beating.

anatomy of living

2010-04-30T02:56:00.000+08:00

This isn't a good year. Nope, it isn't.

I wish my brain has a map, to tell me where my heart should go.

2010-04-29T01:16:00.000+08:00

I am staring, at the moon. At the balcony.

There were so many instances in my life, where a situation so similar as this, came into being. I got over all, with ease, now that I look back at my life.
Things weren't so simple.

At times, I stopped to wonder. Was this how they felt when I treated them this way? It is like tasting my own evil medicine, this black taint of evil. Of emotional attachment.

Buddhism teaches us to rid ourselves of all human attachments, to bring joy and happiness to all with our compassion and loving kindness. May this be the last hurdle that I have to jump over. Whether if I succeed or not, I seriously do not know.

All I know is, people have been telling me as long as the one you love is happy, it is all that matters. Sometimes, I do feel that way. But when I'm alone, I tend to think and no, my mind doesn't go that way. I've been making empty promises to myself that I will change. Change for the better, to brighten up my future endeavors.

Many times I cried at my own failures. As a man, I should not cry. But I still did. I am a wuss. I should stand up and tell this world, "FUCK YOU. I AM STRONG AND I WILL TIDE OVER THIS."

For now, I am numb and neutral. But I know, there will be times when I reminisce and think of the happy times, I will break down. How things were different before but no. I should not harp on the past and look towards the future. After all, this is not the end. My end is not here, it is somewhere else. I tell myself, I've been a dork all these while and I will strive, to achieve.

I will strive.
This is Pearson, this is my blog and this is my life.
I am by the surname of Wu and I will make a difference within myself.
I must change. I must and I will.
Fall, I must not. Stand, I will.

I can't stop laughing at this issue with a tissue.

2010-04-28T13:38:00.000+08:00

On a side note, am I really turning evil?

Hate me, detest me.

Some Oil For You

2010-04-28T08:26:00.000+08:00

O.K so I am finally back.

The nights when I was alone had been torturing. The times when people fucked me upside for being such a wuss. You guys were right.

And I'm proud to declare: I've given up on the sticks. Once again.
It is a poor excuse, to rely on such temporary pleasures just to feel at ease.

At the end of the day, peace is found within ones own judgement and mindset.
My mind is set and I shall wait for the day.

Good luck and study hard.

Full water bottle

2010-04-26T05:51:00.002+08:00

I think I need to rethink everything. Someone really has to put a stop to this.

Been so long

2010-04-26T04:26:00.002+08:00

its good to see you again (:

When you're still hoping...and hoping...and wishing.

2010-04-24T08:31:00.000+08:00

Man, I can't sleep again.

when your mom asks you to finish up your food, better finish it up or the food will turn bad and the next thing you know, your dad will nag at you.

2010-04-22T04:03:00.002+08:00

So I was thinking, my service ends in a few months time.
Not only me, Ernest and I will be ending our 2 years of national service on the month of September.

Whats next? Footman is heading off for NTU and while I tend to give excuses that I don't wish to talk about it, the truth is I have already made up my mind. Be it a straight road to stability or a dead end, I am going to finish walking it. How long will I have to walk? I have no idea. No one can predict the events that will take place in the future, fortunate or unfortunate.

Live life to the fullest, thats what they say. Its a common phrase among people.
On many occasions, I was always oblivious to the many things around me. What I've said, my actions and down to every little thing that I've done.

I should take some time off. I should do some self-reflection. I should avoid everything, for now.

My knowledge in English is minimal and I do not wish to embarrass myself any further.

Once again, this space shall be neglected for some time.

Sorry people. I'm sorry. But I hope, that I'll be a much pleasant friend to all of you, when I'm back.

Till then, see you when I see you.

Goodbye, World.

Say Anything

2010-04-22T03:40:00.001+08:00

Only my heart's pounding, stab my heart. The silent vision of love.
Forget the time, as the cry travels. Walking through wet Tokyo, feelings make my heart rush.

Run away from reality, I've been crying in a dream.
Frozen time makes me shiver.
Building up my tainted memories, until my sadness vanishes.

You say anything, the fitting word that blesses,
Say anything to my lying heart
If I can't go back to where I have been, I'll live only in dreams,
Getting wet in the endless rain.
Colour my running tears within my daydreams.
You say anything, whatever you'd like to say to me.
Say anything, you leave me out of my eyes.
You say anything, all I can hear is a voice from within my dream.
Say Anything, you can dry my every tear.

The lights have gone out on the stage, staring lonely, embraced by the days that have gone past.
Destroying everything, including our sacred love,
Until it vanishes in the sands of time.
You say anything, whatever you'd like to say to me.

Repeat *

Close your eyes and I'll kill you in the rain.
If a beautiful murder is fitting, the artificial rose is buried,
Shedding in the memory of a poet.

Time to change my life, but my heart remains the same to you,
Time to change your heart, my love for you never changes.

You say anything, the fitting word that blesses,
But say anything to the heart that can't break.
You say anything, say anything, now you've gone away, where can I go from here?

Say anything ... say anything...

I believe if time passes. ..
everything turns into beauty, if the rain stops,
tears clean the scars of memory away ...
everything starts wearing fresh colours ...
every sound begins playing a heartfelt melody ..
jealousy embellishes a page of epic,
desire is embracing a dream,
but my mind is still in chaos and...

Pink And Green, memories not to be forgotten.

2010-04-22T00:46:00.001+08:00

Think I'm going to vacate this space for...I don't know till when.

Bye Bye.

Gotta be patient, for once.

2010-04-20T08:39:00.000+08:00

This is a month of disaster. And boredom. Been staying at home most of the time.
My eye sight has been failing me lately, mostly during the mornings. Thankfully, I didn't board the wrong bus earlier on.

Patience is the key pearson, patience. Whatever the outcome, be prepared but for now, be patient, for once.

pink ribbons

2010-04-19T05:46:00.000+08:00

Dam. I dozed off while waiting for the computer scan to finish.
Its 5.45am now. Why do I have to wake up at this hour?! Now my body clock is even more screwed.
Monday blues @.@

Ich liebe dich (:

2010-04-17T23:55:00.000+08:00

Just got home from 313@somerset. Was supposed to meet the dudes for awhile. I figured they might be going some place else but in the end, they decided to chill there. And so, I went home.

Oh yeah and I meet Su Ying, Davin, Kesh and Shinn @ the basement when I got there. They were talking about how to settle my outfit for Streetfest when just nice, I passed by. Talk about coincidence.

Anyways, I saw a few clothes that were pretty nice there. Think I'm gonna go shop for new stuffs next month. Its time I do a wardrobe change.

Alright, morning shift tomorrow. But I guess I won't be sleeping that early.
Goodnight everyone!

would history happen again?

2010-04-16T09:22:00.001+08:00

Just got back from work. Was forced to stay inside the locker room as the rain was too heavy.

Had a very weird dream during my shortnap. My precious love mug was broken and my white shirt was so stained that I decided to just leave it as it is and wore them throughout a buffet session.
It felt so real. Because when I'm sleeping and dreaming, I don't have any troubles from the reality. I know it sounds stupid. Like I'm trying to avoid my problems.

Well its time to eat my medication, get my sleep and try not to think so much. Adios~

This is beautiful~

2010-04-15T20:00:00.001+08:00

yoshiki ftw!

Home - Michael Buble

2010-04-15T11:34:00.000+08:00

The conveyor belt finally killed me

2010-04-14T18:39:00.000+08:00

Its going to rain soon.

I mused and I laughed many times within the short span of time. Its time!

Love, Me by Colin Raye

2010-04-14T02:07:00.003+08:00

i read a note my grandma wrote
back in 1923
grandpa kept it in his coat
and he showed it once to me

he said boy you might not understand
but a long long time ago
grandmas daddy didn't like me none
but i loved your grandma so

we had this crazy plan to meet and run away together
get married in the first town we came to and live forever
but nailed to the tree where we were suppose to meet instead
i found this letter and this is what it said:

if you get there before i do
don't give up on me
i'll meet you when my chores are through
i don't know how long i'll be
but i'm not gonna let you down
darling wait and see
and between now and then
until i see you again
i'll be lovin' you
love, me

i read those words just hours before my grandma passed away
in the doorway of the church where me and gandpa stopped to pray
i know i've never seen him cry
in all me fifteen years
but as he read these words to her
his eyes filled up with tears

if you get there before i do
don't give up on me
i'll meet you when my chores are through
i don't know how long i'll be
but i'm not gonna let you down
darling wait and see
and between now and then
until i see you again
i'll be lovin' you
love, me

and between now and then
until i see you again
i'll be lovin' you
love, me.

too much rain, today.

2010-04-13T23:26:00.000+08:00

Blesses and wishes to you. Believe in yourself, that you can do it. You have come this far, you have chosen this path. You must pull through this stage. You can do it!
have faith! Get well soon! <3

why did I even bother.

2010-04-13T06:37:00.000+08:00

My heart beats faster whenever I see you online.

I hate to say this but my body is failing me now. oh shitz.

Pictures of me, Pictures of you

2010-04-13T04:16:00.000+08:00

It takes months to find a customer,
seconds to lose one.

It takes a long time to find someone that you will be willing to give your all,
a few moments of foolishness to weaken that bond.

It is easy to be good. But it is even easier to be tainted.

The cards, the messages, the love

2010-04-12T23:52:00.001+08:00

We're stronger than this.

O.K went out with the guys for prata and some discussion. Prata was..dam filling. Talked and talked after that in which I later went off for 5 minutes to have my quiet time. Went back and sat and talked for awhile more.

2 Plain pratas and 1 teh peng = 4.30
RIP OFF. Went to shanyou's rooftop later on and chill awhile.
Cocked about the condom idea and watched a video on fz's iphone about this monkey peeing into his own mouth and a woman peeing while lifting weights.
Great laughs. Took a bus home with Mao and Xh after that. And now I'm back.

Daily, I think of you. I'm missing you.

I talked to sky

2010-04-12T09:04:00.001+08:00

Man, the night was long.

Have a good rest~

2010-04-04T09:55:00.001+08:00

Just press the off button, pls

2010-04-02T15:22:00.000+08:00

How have you been? How are you feeling today? Are you ok? Did you get a good sleep?
Remember to eat on time and drink more water. Study hard but don't neglect your health. Rest if you can. Time is tight for you, you're rushing for many things. Please take good care of yourself when I'm not around. Please, be strong.

belated

2010-04-02T01:50:00.001+08:00

this came late but..happy 5th month... sniff

Voiceless Screaming

2010-03-31T23:36:00.002+08:00

I'm drowning in sadness
Falling far behind
I feel there is just no way out
Is there anyone there? Where am I?

Insanity and loneliness
Tear my painful heart
Broken heart keeps on going to beat
But it never stops bleeding

I've been waiting for love to come
Someone who wants to touch me inside
Memories of my yesterdays

Careless words and deeds
Masquerade of love
Gotta find my way outta here

I was blinded by dark desire
Over time I've been through it all
I'm crying my share of tears

What can I do
Will I make it through
I must be true to myself

Voiceless Screaming
Calling to me inside of my heart
Voiceless Screaming
Now is the time I got to speak out

Voice of faith, I'm starting to realize
Now my eyes can see
I have gone so far
I'm feeling breath of life

And I'm looking for love to reach
Someone I want to touch deep inside
Light shines on my sight of doubt
Don't be afraid
Move forward one step
Willing mind is what I have found at last

Voiceless Screaming
Calling to me inside of my heart
Voiceless Screaming
Now is the time I got to speak out

Voiceless Screaming
Calling to me inside of my heart
Knockin' on my soul's door
I believe in myself and trust what I do

Voiceless Screaming
Pain of the past still hurts me inside
Knockin' on my soul's door
I climb the stairs that lead me to Heaven

Gotta love X Japan.

we have to pull through! *hugs*

its dam long!

2010-03-30T00:07:00.001+08:00

waiting for the program to finish patching. its taking its own sweeeeet time.

i miss my love ):

2010-03-29T03:52:00.000+08:00

Had a short session of jamming today.
Did a miserable recording with kesh's SE phone after su yings iphone failed terribly.

Renaissance - Alice Nine's White prayer Cover

NERF match today! Dam, was it fun.
BB, keep going! hang in there! (:

shift work is seriously boring me.