happyness

staring into the night sky, dragging on my lollipop.


so many stars.

morning blues

my phone is screwed up. just when i so needed it at the moment.
i'm still trying to complete my particulars list for team ananda. really have to rush it before tomorrow.

its either a bright or gloomy day. i hope it rains (:

its the pinch!

schools have started for my girl. its back to all the schoolwork and many many things that i don't wish to reminisce about my old school days.

so many people are down with flu. my shift team had 1 down, the other going for a h1n1 checkup tomorrow since his cousin was tested positive for that bloody virus.

lets hope no deaths will be announced till this curse dies away.

i feel a dam hard pinch.

<3 my girl.

enrich your inspiration, color your groove.

i've always thought my blog had very few visitors, or so it seemed. *deep thoughts*

lol lol lol lol lol lol

the personality of master chief just took things to a whole new level. i was entrusted with a responsibility that i could not/cannot reject. my mind was pretty blank when that news fell onto my lap.

at that moment, my normal self would have gone, " huh? but...i don't know leh..."
but that day, was special. my other self, was awake.


i took on the responsibility immediately.
much to my own surprise.


down to daily events, returned from my overnight shift.
gosh, missed my girl. ):

Laughable Insanity

i accept all challenges.
on a seperate note,

to understand an individual, is to accept who he/she is.

oh where oh where, is my gf ):

its a 29 min long song

Desert Rose
Why do you live alone
If you are sad
I'll make you leave this life
Are you white, blue or bloody red
All I can see is drowning in cold grey sand

The winds of time
You knock me to the ground
I'm dying of thirst
I wanna run away
I don't know how to set me free to live
My mind cries out feeling pain

I've been roaming to find myself
How long have I been feeling endless hurt
Falling down, rain flows into my heart
In the pain I'm waiting for you
Can't go back
No place to go back to
Life is lost, Flowers fall
If it's all dreams
Now wake me up
If it's all real
Just kill me

I'm making the wall inside my heart
I don't wanna let my emotions get out
It scares me to look at the world
Don't want to find myself lost in your eyes
I tried to drown my past in grey
I never wanna feel more pain
Ran away from you without saying any words
What I don't wanna lose is love

Through my eyes
Time goes by like tears
My emotion's losing the color of life
Kill my heart
Release all my pain
I'm shouting out louder
Insanity takes hold over me

Turning away from the wall
Nothing I can see
The scream deep inside
reflecting another person in my heart
He calls me from within
"All existence you see before you
must be wiped out :
Dream, Reality, Memories,
and Yourself"

I begin to lose control of myself
My lust is so blind, destroys my mind
Nobody can stop my turning to madness
No matter how you try to hold me in your heart
Why do you wanna raise these walls
I don't know the meaning of hatred
My brain gets blown away hearing words of lies
I only want to hold your love

Stab the dolls filled with hate
Wash yourself with their blood
Drive into the raging current of time
Swing your murderous weapon into the belly
"the earth"
Shout and start creating confusion
Shed your blood for pleasure
And what? For love?
What am I supposed to do?

I believe in the madness called "Now"
Past and future prison my heart
Time is blind
But I wanna trace my love
on the wall of time, over pain in my heart
Art of life
Insane blade stabbing dreams
Try to break all truth now
But I can't heal this broken heart in pain
Cannot start to live, Cannot end my life
Keep on cry

Close my eyes
Time breathes I can hear
All love and sadness
melt in my heart


Dry my tears
Wipe my bloody face
I wanna feel me living my life
outside my walls

You can't draw a picture of yesterday, so
You're painting your heart with your blood
You can't say "No"
Only turning the wheel of time
with a rope around your neck
You build a wall of morality and take a breath
from between the bricks
You make up imaginary enemies and are chased by them
You're trying to commit suicide
You're satisfied with your prologue
Now you're painting your first chapter black
You are putting the scraps of life together
and trying to make an asylum for yourself
You're hitting a bell at the edge of the stage
and
You are trying to kill me

I believe in the madness called "Now"
Time goes flowing, breaking my heart
Wanna live
Can't let my heart kill myself
Still I haven't found what I'm looking for
Art of life
I try to stop myself
But my heart goes to destroy the truth
Tell me why
I want the meaning of my life
Do I try to live, Do I try to love
in my dream

I'm breaking the wall inside my heart
I just wanna let my emotions get out
Nobody can stop
I'm running to freedom
No matter how you try to hold me in your world
Like a doll carried by the flow of time
I sacrificed the present moment for the future
I was in chains of memory half-blinded
Losing my heart, walking in the sea of dreams

Close my eyes
Rose breathes I can hear
All love and sadness melt in my heart
Dry my tears
Wipe my bloody face
I wanna feel me living my life
outside my mind

Dreams can make me mad
I can't leave my dream
I can't stop myself
Don't know what I am
What lies are truth?
What truths are lies?

I believe in the madness called "Now"
Time goes flowing, breaking my heart
Wanna live
Can't let my heart kill myself
Still I haven't found what I'm looking for
Art of life
I try to stop myself
But my heart goes to destroy the truth
Tell me why
I want the meaning of my life
Do I try to live? Do I try to love?

Art of life
An Eternal Bleeding heart
You never wanna breathe your last
Wanna live
Can't let my heart kill myself
Still I'm feeling for
A Rose is breathing love
in my life

CHICKEN TERIYAKI.

shall whip up something fast and short, since i'm in a rush for time.

some people understand, some people don't. sometimes i question my own position in the youth group, what have i been doing? have i been really contributing to its growth or am i a just an observer.

down the road, everything just fits in. it became clear, the satisfaction similiar to the completion of a scenic puzzle.

i live on, i solve problems, i break my mysteries and i push aside obstacles.
and i shall do so, again.

so many things are happening around me. people who choose to work in a law firm will have to live their daily lives as bastards and jerks.

now i understand why rowan atkinson grouped them under thieves and pillagers.

dad doesn't want to talk to us about his problems. we're trying to help. now i can only hope and pray.

my glasses are missing

had the worst nightmare last night.

paranoia,

"Reaching Jhana is gone!"
and i was not on good terms with the doods.
oh man.

strawberry

when i needed comfort, i got told i only had myself to blame.